Dating After 50, Gray Divorce & Finding Love Again

Neil Rerup (00:01.322)
Hey folks, welcome back. today we have Silka Schwartzkoff from Second Act TV. I got your name right. Yeah. she is a specialist in couples and relationships. she’s been doing this for a number of years, but it always sounds better coming from the person I talked to. So Silka, why don’t you introduce yourself and tell us a bit about more about yourself and Second Act TV?

Silke Schwarzkopf (00:10.498)
Yeah.

Silke Schwarzkopf (00:28.791)
Well

Okay, the first thing I want to say, I want to make that perfectly clear, is that I do not consider myself an expert on anything. I am like you, I I do interviews and and I get the experts and I ask the questions. That that is by trade I’m a producer. I’ve that this is what I’ve done all my life. And when I turn 50, I stop or I quit my production company and along with my marriage after twenty-five

Years and life changed, and there were some interesting observations that I came across, which prompted me to start second act TV as because there’s so many of us out there that go through divorce, well, losing a spouse, ex you know, etc. And we don’t know what to do. We have questions that we don’t, you know, we we don’t know where to get answers, honest answers for even silly questions, not

Neil Rerup (01:00.13)
Mm.

Silke Schwarzkopf (01:29.533)
maybe but what sounds juvenile to us, we would be embarrassed to ask these questions. So in a nutshell, that’s what Second Act TV is all about.

Neil Rerup (01:39.842)
How long have you been doing s second act?

Silke Schwarzkopf (01:42.434)
Well, it’s been on YouTube now for coming up on ten years. It’s it’s well, for the la I’ve I put real effort, should I say, into it, like the last maybe five or six years. At first I wasn’t sure how how that was gonna play out.

Neil Rerup (01:47.394)
Wow.

Silke Schwarzkopf (01:59.006)
Against, you know, in our age group this is all this is all new. Originally I I wanted this you might find this interesting, I wanted this to be a network show, you know, because when I

Neil Rerup (02:03.287)
Right.

Silke Schwarzkopf (02:13.375)
went back after my divorce, I lived in Texas, came to California when I went back, I met with my girlfriends. I still have a small group of high school friends. And it turns out that all six of us were pretty much feeling the same thing about where we were in our relationship, questions about desire or the lack thereof, just what’s happening with our bodies and menopause it it’s like we were it’s cracking up and I’m thinking, you know, there my producer side came

Up is like this would make a great, a great show. And again, making a short story long or a long story short, I actually pitched it to some networks, including own the Oprah Network, and was told by a then older producer. she’s with my age, like 60 something, that my god, this is such a great idea, but we’re trying to skew younger. So I would

Neil Rerup (02:55.34)
Okay.

Neil Rerup (03:06.86)
Which I don’t understand.

Silke Schwarzkopf (03:09.995)
I was five years ahead of my time. That that would not be not be told today, but yeah. So there’s lots of changes, lots of transitions in the time I’ve been doing this. Does that does that kinda answer your question?

Neil Rerup (03:19.308)
So yeah, no, I I was just one of the things I I had wasn’t sure about, I saw such a large volume of videos on your channel. It was like, when did she start this type thing? And for anybody that’s watching, there’s a lot of information on her YouTube channel, and you can also get there through her website at secondact.tv. but just the sheer volume, I was

Curious as to when you started this and that sort of thing. no, I I was just so you’ve gone through divorce. you’ve also dealt with the loss, with or you’ve talked with loss, that sort of thing. Are how common are these questions coming up? Because I’ll be honest, one of the things I’m finding with a lot of people is maybe it’s the Canadian side of me.

Silke Schwarzkopf (03:52.865)
Yeah. Go ahead, I’m sorry.

Silke Schwarzkopf (03:59.203)
No.

Neil Rerup (04:16.182)
But we don’t really ask those questions of each other. So I’m just curious as to is that a common thing?

Silke Schwarzkopf (04:24.457)
it it it’s very common. you bring up an interesting point is that people won’t ask those questions or they won’t admit to it. They’re as I said earlier, what they’re embarrassed about. And by the way, I have tons of Canadian viewers who are very engaged, very engaged with second act. Maybe to give a little bit more specif specific easy for me to say. Thank you. See, we primarily focus on dating after 50, finding love again. It through various

Neil Rerup (04:42.754)
Specificity

Silke Schwarzkopf (04:54.191)
Scenarios you either are divorced, you’ve been single all your life, or you lost, or you lost a spouse, which of course happens more and more often. And then what logically goes with that is the relationship, issues in the relationship, and a big issue is is well sexuality. And that’s where people are really hesitant to ask questions. And a lot of people, you know, come to us. And as I said in the beginning, I get the experts that are wrecking, you know, that a lot of them are very.

well known like John Gray who wrote Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus, Joan Price. She’s a big sexual health or or they call her a sex spurt. You know, anytime there’s any questions or people have questions about sexuality, intimacy after sixty, that sort of thing. So we have some really interesting, interesting conversations that are they’re enjoyable, they’re fun to watch, and they’re very well, they’re very informative and educational.

Neil Rerup (05:52.555)
You reminded me when you said that of Doctor Ruth. If you remember writ back in the day, I was like, Wow, I haven’t thought about her.

Silke Schwarzkopf (05:59.232)
I love love Doctor Bruce, yes. Yes.

Neil Rerup (06:02.07)
Yeah. so

Long-term marriages and divorces at this older age. I’m wondering whether there’s a trigger point when we get to that retirement age where all of a sudden everything we were working through our entire life comes to an end. Our kids are grown and they leave the nest. We come to the end of our careers and all of a sudden we have all these changes going on.

Is there a trigger point because of that? Or is it just we just put off leaving the marriage simply because we were thinking about others?

Silke Schwarzkopf (06:40.499)
Yeah, but well both. I I think all of the above. There’s definitely a trigger point. Mine was just when I turned fifty. It it’s it it was literally, you know, I my god, how did I get wish I was there again, but do I really want to live the rest of my life like this? I was in a very unhappy marriage. And the answer was no, I don’t. And up to that point I always felt like I was crazy, you know, to leave a twenty-five year marriage and start over again, you know, what’s wrong with you? And

And once I brought that up though, or shared that with a few close friends, and then as it goes on, a lot of other people, they always thinking the same thing. And there’s actually a trend has come out of that or what’s going on. I by no means started this trend, but it’s called gray divorce. Are you familiar with that, with that word? No?

Neil Rerup (07:31.596)
First time I’m hearing that term, but that’s the reason why I have people like you on is to learn these these thoughts and tell me about Grey Divorce.

Silke Schwarzkopf (07:35.5)
Yeah. Great abortion.

Yeah, great divorce was coined probably, gosh, by now fifteen or so years ago. And there was a huge surge in divorces after fifty. That’s you know, great divorce. I mean, it it’s it just like quadrupled over other divorce rates. I I and I think they’re similar in in Canada as they are in the United States. So that was became you know people are looking at that. Why is this happening? And women two thirds

Of women filed for divorce over what men were doing. And I think a lot of that has to do with our generation because we we were raised to be supportive of a man’s career, to raise our children. A lot of us gave up a lot of stuff career-wise. I’m not me, I never had kids. But out there, there was a lot of women that well, when they finally, you know, came of age, if you will.

It’s like no, I want to do what I want to do now. Or they may they perhaps had a cu or kept a a career going. And it was like, you know, I don’t I have my own money. I’m not dependent on, you know, on a man anymore. And I know a lot of men hate hearing that, but that that’s that’s the truth. A lot of men come they start to become

Complacent in a relationship. And that’s one of the big issues why perhaps women file file first.

Neil Rerup (09:12.418)
kinda goes then to baby boomers versus Gen X versus millennials versus versus versus as we the generations get younger, they have different ways they were brought up. And like with me, it was watching my parents, they just stuck with it and you know, even though my mom and dad were not especially close. So it’s trying to figure it out. Yeah.

Silke Schwarzkopf (09:18.721)
Yeah.

Silke Schwarzkopf (09:38.391)
Exactly.

Yeah, no, exactly. And before anybody thinks I don’t want to give you the impression that this is a woman’s channel and you know, we’ve put down men, we actually it’s it’s almost the opposite. the lot of the programming and conversations that that that I put together are really for women to understand their behavior and to understand men. We actually have a larger male audience than we do female. That was a huge surprise to me first. And I think it’s because of that. We’re it’s almost like

Like a fly on the wall. The men can listen to these conversations without being talked to or lectured about. They gain information, can ask questions in this, you know, in a safe space. I mean, we’ve got the ugly comments and all that, but everybody on YouTube does. But I think that’s somewhat unique, or at least that’s what I hear from Second Act: that my God, you know, here’s a channel that doesn’t bash men. And I’ve never understood that. How can you talk about relationship when your relationship?

advice if you don’t give both sides, you know, some sort of equal well credit or or liability for what you’ve created.

Neil Rerup (10:50.626)
Well, I think that’s that type of ac behavior I think is more something associated with twenty year olds that and I’m talking both sexes that never learn to take account for accountability for their own actions. Whereas you and I, we grew up in a generation where suck it up buttercup and deal with your issues or deal with what you’re dealing going through type thing. So

Silke Schwarzkopf (10:57.985)
Mm-hmm.

Silke Schwarzkopf (11:18.657)
We did we did grow up with that Neil, but I’m sorry I didn’t mean s speak over you. But I think it’s an important point is you would think that. And there are people that have done that. And there’s and for the most part though, you learn you’ve learned that. You know, there’s such a emotional trigger to when it comes to relationships and love and sex. People don’t think logically. The law logic no doesn’t apply to love and relationships. And there’s a lot of

Neil Rerup (11:22.164)
No, no, no, no, no.

Silke Schwarzkopf (11:48.554)
of you know, all men are this, all women are that, well my ex, she just totally screwed up my life or he just did he. That’s actually more prevalent than not.

Neil Rerup (11:58.989)
Right. Hmm.

Silke Schwarzkopf (12:00.006)
Mm-hmm. It’s part of a a huge topic that we address that you have got to take accountability for your part in your previous relationships. And people, well, how can I do it? I didn’t do this and you know, I didn’t make him screw around on me. Okay, maybe you didn’t, but when did you see it? How long did you go along with it? And I’m pointing at myself now, that was part of my story. So yeah, the accountability piece is not as readily achieved at as you might think at our age.

Neil Rerup (12:30.102)
One of the th things I noticed just a few weeks ago was somebody say asking somebody who had been married for forty, fifty years, how did you stay in love with this this woman for such a long time? And the response was something I hadn’t thought of. She’s not the same woman through the entire p time period. Like when you met her, she was a certain type of woman and she changed as she went. So you have to

accept the fact that she changes as you go along. I’m wondering yeah.

Silke Schwarzkopf (13:02.805)
Mm-hmm. Absolutely. No absolutely. Go ahead and finish your question.

Neil Rerup (13:09.972)
No, the the that’s the talking point is we one thing I’ve learned with my wife, I’ve been t with my wife now forty years. Nineteen eighty five was when we started together. I survived. And and one of the things I learned was she is who she is, when she is. So

Silke Schwarzkopf (13:21.921)
Right. That’s right.

Silke Schwarzkopf (13:38.466)
Yeah, you I mean that y y yes, you you brought her, Billy.

Great point again, which is we all change. And a lot of marriages, relationships can’t survive those changes. And and that’s okay, you know. I mean, if we’re we we came together at some point and and then we grew apart. And that that’s okay. That doesn’t make us bad people. You know, what makes it bad is how we handle it, if there’s kids involved, you and all that kind of stuff. So really the separation isn’t a bad thing, is how how how do you deal with it? How do you, you know, do you remain friends, etc.? So all that

Can be handled in a very grown up, grown up way that doesn’t, that doesn’t need to be that. But also, I think what is so important in keeping a relationship together, maybe I’ll ask you since you’ve been for 40 years, I think one of the key things is that you’re friends. That friendship and actually liking the person, not loving. I mean, love, yes, that that’s going to be assumed. But love doesn’t mean you like someone.

like someone and want to spend time with them. To me, I’ve kind of over these last ten years when I when I talk with people, when I talk with the experts, that that’s a key ingredient. So do you you like your wife? I thought that’s yep. she’s probably listening, so that’s not a fair question.

Neil Rerup (14:53.772)
Think

Neil Rerup (14:57.962)
No, she’s actually s one of the things she did to just to keep herself busy was she g she’s taken on a retail job just to get out of the house, like three ti days a week type thing, just to get things going. So no, she’s not listening. Thank God. but she is

Silke Schwarzkopf (15:07.145)
Is that

Silke Schwarzkopf (15:12.36)
Ha ha ha.

Neil Rerup (15:18.484)
I like her, yes. I respect her. That I think is more important than the like, because she has things she wants to do, things that drive me nuts. But I also understand, going back to our conversation about taking responsibility, that I have things that she doesn’t like. So I can’t complain about her if I’m not willing to deal with my own stuff.

Silke Schwarzkopf (15:22.859)
Mm-mm. That’s important.

Silke Schwarzkopf (15:32.16)
Okay.

Neil Rerup (15:47.956)
So yeah.

Silke Schwarzkopf (15:48.269)
Yeah.

Yeah, no, again, you’re you’re absolutely, you’re absolutely right. And respect is a good is a good word. you have also, you know, there’s some vulnerability and empathy there that that yeah, you want you want each other to be happy, whether that, you know, you talk about that or not. And and I’m not suggesting in any way, shape, or form that, you know, the there’s no issues in a relationship. There can be big issues, but it’s a matter of working through those, you know, and overcoming.

And it it’s it’s funny when I hear from that people describe their relationship, we just never fight and you know, we’ve just just we’ve never d well that’s that’s like huge red flags. If if you’ve never fought, if you never argue about anything, you you’re not you don’t even know each other.

Neil Rerup (16:38.454)
But here’s the thing. Most of these fights, most of the problems in the marriage, at least what I’ve seen, have gone come about because of external triggers. Like I remember one huge fight we had was when our oldest was turned one. Our his very first birthday. First time we were

Silke Schwarzkopf (16:45.847)
Mm-hmm.

Silke Schwarzkopf (16:50.017)
Mm-hmm.

Neil Rerup (17:01.11)
Both celebrating a offspring’s birthday. And she had various fixed ideas, and I had other ideas, and we didn’t talk about it, but that was an external trigger that forced us to have for me to close my mouth and say yes, dear type thing. But my point is it’s I think a lot of the issues, yes, we change. People don’t handle rapid change well.

whereas as we grow older, the changes happen and we make adjustments, not in a split second, but we evolve. Which is a probably a better term for change in a long term relationship. Unless

Silke Schwarzkopf (17:48.982)
I think you’re right. I think the longer you’re in, you know, you do you learn and you’ve learned about that person and if you have a generally a good attitude towards all that, you do become wiser. Where the wisdom escapes us and and I’m talking generalities here, but what I see on the channel and and the the majority of of my viewers is you’ve gone through this long term relationship, twenty, thirty, forty years sometimes. It’s not rare that we see.

Neil Rerup (18:16.876)
Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Silke Schwarzkopf (18:18.895)
And then you go back.

to high school or whenever to wherever you were when you were dating, when you were getting to know each other. That’s sort of where you go back to in in terms of romance, how you think feel about men or women, and it you also your insecurities come back. You know, there there’s so many people say, well if you’re older you should know by now. No, no. Again, there’s no logic when it comes to relationships and and love. It it’s something it’s it’s

An awareness really that you have to develop that you know this is happening or that is happening or that you’re not being logical, that that this is perhaps trigger based and you need to learn how to deal with triggers. So it’s yeah, I I it can be really complex, and and and that’s I don’t know, I guess it’s good good or bad. Relationships can be easy if you have not easy, but with an attitude such as the

Neil Rerup (19:05.676)
Yeah.

Silke Schwarzkopf (19:21.913)
one that you described certainly makes it a lot easier to navigate. Because you sound like you are open. You sound like you’re you know you’re not a this is the way it’s gonna be done and you know you’re that kind of person.

Neil Rerup (19:33.207)
I think that’s that for me it’s I that’s just the type of person I am and that’s the reason why I’ve had the career I’ve had. It’s the reason why I’ve done all the various different things is I haven’t tried to go straight through a problem. I’ve sometimes just gone around problems, you know, if that makes sense. I mean and that’s that’s not just with relationships, but that’s right across the board. And some people would say, No, you have to actually deal with those issues. That’s what I think.

Silke Schwarzkopf (19:39.633)
Yeah.

Silke Schwarzkopf (19:50.977)
Mm-hmm. Absolutely.

Neil Rerup (20:02.088)
You mentioned something about when we get older and then there’s the romance and that that aspect. I can’t see that. Sorry, and this is maybe it’s because I’ve been with the same woman and we’ve we’ve been adjusting and I wouldn’t call it romance because I don’t think after forty years that’s probably not the right term. I don’t know. But if she was no longer here.

Silke Schwarzkopf (20:26.893)
Mm-hmm.

Neil Rerup (20:28.15)
I don’t know how I would make my headspace change to start thinking about dating and romance, if if you know what I mean. It it feels like something from when I was in my twenties, as opposed to right now I’m sixty one type thing.

Silke Schwarzkopf (20:45.877)
I right. And that’s that’s one of the reasons why the channel is successful. Because people they you realize that you’re missing something, but you don’t know how to perhaps bring it back. well, it’s first of all, in your situation when when you are in a marriage, your your mind isn’t there. If she actually were not here, you your mind wouldn’t be where it is right now. That that that’s one thing. And then why is she no longer here?

Neil Rerup (20:50.177)
Yeah.

Neil Rerup (21:08.706)
Mm. Right.

Silke Schwarzkopf (21:11.829)
Did you divorce or did you lose or two very different places to come from that are obviously very prevalent, very prevalent at our age. But I can tell you from personal experience and from that of some very close friends of mine.

romance, intimacy, that kind of it’s it can be better than ever after fifty. I you know, I it’s it’s amazing. That’s why I think sh you know shows like mine and and other people who who who covered this, you know, dating, intimacy, relationships, all that later in life. It it’s so important because no, we’re not you know, we’re not rolling off in our wheelchair. We’re we’re going skydiving.

Neil Rerup (21:52.246)
Ha ha.

Yeah, well my hip is bothering me, so don’t ask me to be a a a physical gymnast if in certain places of my life.

Silke Schwarzkopf (21:57.454)
Ha ha ha

Silke Schwarzkopf (22:02.881)
Yeah. Well and and that’s funny. it yes, and that’s another big part of of the topics is yeah, we we’re getting older, our bodies are getting older. There’s certain things that are either more difficult to do or we can’t do at all. So, you know, do you deal with that problem head on or do you go around it and make it work somehow? Such as sexual dysfunction. Huge topic, huge topic, you know, for for men. I don’t know how technical you want me to get here, but I I think that’s a

well-known you know thing is that you know the ED for men and vaginal atrophy for women and then and you don’t know how to talk about that it it we believe me our channel has addressed that so much and we’ve gotten hundreds of thousands of views I have a wonderful expert Dr. James Simon he’s he was head of the menopause president of the menopause society he’s very well known researcher OBGYN he’s actually

debunking that big study that said estrogen causes breast cancer was such a huge disservice you know for women. But anyway, I’m I’m digressing. But that is an issue so many people have questions about and and won’t even ask their own doctor because they’re embarrassed.

Neil Rerup (23:09.836)
Yeah.

Neil Rerup (23:21.226)
Yeah. No, for me, like I have blood pr high blood pressure now. And high blood pressure medication, I started taking it two and a half years ago. yeah, early twenty twenty-fours. And it took a while before I found the right medication that allowed me to not have as severe ED issues. But that was I’ll be honest, for me personally, that was and to some extent still is.

Silke Schwarzkopf (23:42.573)
Mm-hmm.

Neil Rerup (23:51.189)
something that bothers me. And also the fact that I’ve never my wife has never really initiated in our entire time together. So it’s it’s

Silke Schwarzkopf (24:04.427)
You bring up again two point one. I I congratulate you for saying that. I I I can’t tell you how many men need to hear that and how many women need to hear what you just said about the initiating that. We also have topics on that. That’s what I mean. These are like just logical. The only logic here is the topics that come up. And

Neil Rerup (24:12.46)
Mm.

Silke Schwarzkopf (24:24.489)
for we’ve done like I said lots of stuff about E D and we won’t go do an E D video here but you are not alone. In fact most men after the age of even forty, you know, experience that we just don’t know how to talk about it. And women with with a vaginal atrophy, they they’re they’re embarrassed to even tell, you know, their husband or their partner or whatever that that it hurts. It hurts really, really bad. And then instead of talking about it there’s no desire.

When it comes to initiating, we’ve done also videos on the need for women to initiate that it makes a man feel just you want to make your man feel great? Well, initiate. You know, but we weren’t we didn’t grow up like that. You know, good girls don’t do that. And believe me, that that sticks with you. But you told her that. Okay.

Neil Rerup (25:05.419)
Yeah.

Neil Rerup (25:12.864)
I’d like her to be a bad girl, please. Yeah. Well, there’s been those times where I’ve asked the question, why? And she says she shrugs her shoulders, doesn’t even get into the conversation. So it’s it’s it’s a hard one to continue. it it feels almost like a lot of your conversations are more from the women’s side of things as opposed to men. Do you have a lot of the men’s side of things as well?

Silke Schwarzkopf (25:43.041)
Like what? What when we

Neil Rerup (25:44.417)
Well, you’ve talked about, for example, estrogen. You’ve talked about vaginal atrophy, which by the way, that’s a term I have not heard before. And that’s on me for not really even looking into it, not saying that. Yeah, exactly. things the a lot of the things you’ve brought up, you talk with your girlfriends, that sort of thing. Has there been a

Silke Schwarzkopf (25:49.485)
Mm-hmm.

Silke Schwarzkopf (26:02.389)
I have a video you need to watch.

Neil Rerup (26:15.41)
I would hazard a guess. Guys don’t typically talk about that sort of thing. They talk facts based. They don’t talk feelings. They don’t talk that sort of thing. That’s just at least my generation, that’s the way we were. Do you get a lot of men? And you said said that you have a large percentage of men as your audience. Do you have a lot of those conversations going on, I’m assuming?

Silke Schwarzkopf (26:19.965)
Yeah. Right.

Silke Schwarzkopf (26:26.753)
Mm-hmm. Slide.

Silke Schwarzkopf (26:35.565)
Mm-hmm.

Silke Schwarzkopf (26:40.788)
Absolutely.

Because on YouTube especially, you know, men, unless you give your real name and your and your screen name, you’re you’re you’re you know, nobody knows who you are. You can ask whatever whatever you want. And and we try to you know, create like like topics that we know men w wouldn’t ask. Those are the like we’ll do that. You know, a man what what men need to know about will never ask, or what men want their, you know, partner to know about would never ask. We have tons of those and those are very

Neil Rerup (26:59.564)
Yeah.

Silke Schwarzkopf (27:11.827)
popular and the men will chime in, yeah, yeah, that’s exactly that that’s yeah. So yeah, in fact at on some level we do more about

Neil Rerup (27:17.249)
Yeah.

Silke Schwarzkopf (27:24.651)
the the male behavior and how that can contributes to a relationship than than the women because the women want to know wanna know that about men. And then once you start those conversations and the two actually talk, like in commons we get blogs underneath our videos. It gets really, really interesting. All the questions out there.

Neil Rerup (27:44.291)
So when you get into these older ages after retirement, because men’s social life is in essence tied extr ex very tied thank you. Tied to work. So once they they stop working, their social life really does disappear. Whereas women’s social lives have evolved and they keep evolving.

Silke Schwarzkopf (27:48.779)
Mm-hmm.

Silke Schwarzkopf (27:55.476)
Explicitly no

Silke Schwarzkopf (28:04.684)
Mm-hmm.

Neil Rerup (28:13.536)
Regardless of whether they’re at work or whether the kids have left or that sort of thing. They’re they still have those friends and that sort of stuff.

Silke Schwarzkopf (28:20.449)
Yeah.

Neil Rerup (28:22.38)
How how does the creation of new relationships happen? Is it initiated by the woman? Is it initiated by the men? Is aft at those older ages? And the I say that simply because I can already see with myself, how do I have those conversations? Because I was with this, I have been with the same woman for 40 years type thing, you know?

Silke Schwarzkopf (28:47.351)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Yep. Great question.

And and absolutely true. And and yes, n normally like if you’re staying together, or even if you have someone new, it it typically is more the the woman that initiates new relationships or new friendships. come on here, I want you to meet soand so’s husband or that kind of thing. That that’s true. And that’s we have also have videos on that where we you know, point that out to men because it is so closely tied. I think the the rate of retirement you know is is very is not

Neil Rerup (29:03.49)
Mm.

Silke Schwarzkopf (29:22.543)
Be because there is all of a sudden you lose your your identity, you know, your you how how you’ve lived in the world. And so it is important to have something else that matters to you. You know, the the ability that hope or the opportunity that a lot of us have after 50 is to kind to do what we’ve always wanted to do. You know, so so we do talk about that, you know, develop some interests, have different interests from the person you’re with. But other than other than that, you know, and there’s nothing wrong.

Neil Rerup (29:27.158)
Yeah.

Silke Schwarzkopf (29:52.496)
that women that women do that it it’s one of the benefits really that men lose when they don’t have a relationship where they do count on that female the female energy in the relationship to to be that that person that keeps up relationships I in I think it’s just kind of it is what it is. It doesn’t hold true for every you know for every relationship but that’s it is more of a female to to or the female

Neil Rerup (30:19.638)
Yeah.

Silke Schwarzkopf (30:22.541)
side if you will to to keep that going.

Neil Rerup (30:25.504)
I think at some point the man has men have to put themselves out into situations where those relationships can be initiated. They can’t stay at home. Like I look at my dad, he’s ninety-four. That’s another question I’ll I’ll bring up in a sec. but he’s been at home now. My mom passed ten years ago.

Silke Schwarzkopf (30:40.567)
Mm-hmm.

Neil Rerup (30:51.21)
And he never created an external set social group. It was all through her. So now, for the last ten years, he hasn’t had a group that he goes out to regularly, other than food shopping, that sort of thing. So it must be that’s something that men have to do. Now, what I wanted to ask, this is what I put off here, is is it the same?

Silke Schwarzkopf (30:57.569)
Mm-hmm.

Neil Rerup (31:20.466)
when you’re in your sixties versus seventies versus eighties versus nineties? Or does that change based on that age? ‘Cause he’s ninety-four, and I’ll tell you, I can’t tell you how many times it’s starting to annoy me, where he says, Well, you know, I’m gonna be dead in the next year or so. So which is depressing, but it’s still in the back of his head type thing. So I’m just wondering whether it imp the approach to relationships changes depending on how old you get.

Silke Schwarzkopf (31:39.637)
Good morning.

Silke Schwarzkopf (31:50.926)
I I think it changes somewhat, especially the perhaps the intimacy part of it. Although so I we, Paul and I, we’ve been together now, we’ve met online. So I c I I live my my you know channel, but we met like fifteen years ago online dating and now we live in a we’re retired in a c golf community, retirement community, where it’s all, you know, our age and and older, like into the nineties. So I speak somewhat from

everyday experience when I say this is that if you if you put yourself in that situation you will keep going I mean even physically I mean we we have a pickleball well it’s golf pickleball extremely active but there’s 80 year olds that kick my butt literally kick my butt playing pickleball so it it’s really where you know what do you if you’re blessed with a healthy body then do whatever you can to keep it that way for one.

You know, that’s what you want to tell yourself when you were younger first and foremost. But if you do have if you’re able to move, move. And when it comes to relationships in and of itself, one of my really good friends here, she just well, she’s 71 now. Yeah. And she just met her.

Neil Rerup (33:01.238)
Yeah.

Silke Schwarzkopf (33:12.095)
is like her soulmate online at 72 and they’re they’re just they’re like they they were men for each other. And I mean and this happens all the time. And you bring a new mindset mindset to new relationship and new energy and new drives that you thought were dead in you. You know, so that’s I think one of the main things that I’d like to get across is that don’t don’t die internally because

Neil Rerup (33:14.945)
Really?

Silke Schwarzkopf (33:42.079)
you’re unhappy. You know, find a way to to find your happiness. And that doesn’t mean you have to leave your partner, but it does become, it becomes difficult if the other one is unwilling to participate in that search.

Neil Rerup (33:49.162)
Mm.

Neil Rerup (33:58.285)
Yeah. My kids are in their mid-twenties. Does that impact these relationships? Like I I can see, for example, we’ve always we always talk about the sandwich generation where we’re taking care of our kids, but also our parents, right? My kids are now in their twenties. At some point something’ll happen to either myself or my wife. How much of an impact do my kids play?

Silke Schwarzkopf (34:01.633)
Mm here.

Silke Schwarzkopf (34:21.773)
Mm-hmm.

Neil Rerup (34:27.434)
in those next relationships. Has that yeah.

Silke Schwarzkopf (34:29.931)
Huge.

Huge, either positive or negative. We have videos on that. Dating with adult children. You’re great. You’re bringing up everything that people go through and why they find a channel like ours. D adult children can make or break a relationship after, you know, a second one. They they’re either supportive of it and that’s wonderful. Like Paul, Paul’s been divorced for a while when we met, but his adult children absolutely we love each other. I mean, they’re like my kids. We’re we just

Neil Rerup (34:38.604)
Cheers.

Neil Rerup (34:59.862)
Mm.

Silke Schwarzkopf (35:02.047)
we get you know, it it works. That’s not true for everybody. You know, they I see relationships where they make the the the dad, especially women or like girls, women with their dad or boy, you can make men feel guilty. If if you know it’s and it’s yeah, it’s a shame. Then it it really the the it’s on us.

how much do we allow them to do that? You know, they’re not five or ten or they’re not kids. They’re adults. And we have a life to live too. And at some point you just you need to establish boundaries because yeah, it can make or break a relationship later in life.

Neil Rerup (35:42.079)
Interesting, interesting. So one of the things I we’re getting towards the end of the interview right now. Two things. One, if you were to give people one piece of advice, what would it be? Regardless of whether you’re talking marriage or divorce or post loss or anything like that, what would that one thing be? And the other thing, and let’s answer this one first.

You mentioned something about silly questions. About there are and I’m assuming there are no silly questions. That’s my always been my thought. Has there ever been a silly question?

Silke Schwarzkopf (36:15.234)
Mm.

Silke Schwarzkopf (36:25.733)
well, yeah, some some are a little bit but you’re gonna be kidding me. But the what I meant by that is that we’re so embarrassed about the question because we should know f in but I’ll give you an example.

Neil Rerup (36:39.292)
okay. Okay.

Silke Schwarzkopf (36:40.627)
is is like women we don’t know our own bodies and so it’s it’s those quite like questions that I can’t believe you don’t know that and and people some people have that reaction even though they don’t know either. I it those are those are questions that we deal with. You know I I’m trying to think if there was something that was really silly but usually that that’s associated with some kind of you know anyway. But the the

Neil Rerup (36:43.936)
Right, right, right.

Neil Rerup (36:56.406)
Yeah.

Neil Rerup (37:04.71)
I’ve I’ve learned so much about my women’s bodies just by living with my wife that I didn’t know when I when I we first got together, it’s like I didn’t know any of this. That’s what I think. So just as we go along, it’s it’s didn’t know anything about menopause, when it started, how what the reaction was or anything of those things. Hell, when I first started dating her, I didn’t know anything about periods.

Silke Schwarzkopf (37:10.486)
Ha ha ha.

Silke Schwarzkopf (37:17.239)
Mm-hmm.

Neil Rerup (37:33.995)
I didn’t know anything about menstrual cycles or anything like that. I I as a guy, I was just this was all strange. I have by the way, my family, no girls. There’s like I’m I’m of a generation of twelve kids, only one girl. it’s it’s and like that’s just been my family’s dynamics, both on my mom’s and my dad’s side. So I had no female cousins, I have no sisters, I have

Silke Schwarzkopf (37:45.384)
Ha ha ha.

Neil Rerup (38:03.958)
Nobody I was no women I was around. So I didn’t understand any of that. And it’s been a learning process.

Silke Schwarzkopf (38:09.143)
Okay.

Not your fault because nobody taught it. Nobody taught you. Nobody, you know, the we’re we’re starting that. Matter of fact, I’m gonna send you a video to give to your boys. It’s it’s it’s like every man should know this. And and what when you watch it, it it’s about what men should know about vaginal health. And it it’s the I think it has six hundred thousand or more views on it, and the comments were like, my god, I can’t believe and and even I don’t care if you’re a

Neil Rerup (38:12.416)
No, no.

Neil Rerup (38:18.96)
Okay.

Silke Schwarzkopf (38:39.887)
Sex therapist, you’re gonna learn something on that video. So we we don’t we don’t talk about it. So it’s not your fault. What’s good is that you have the awareness that you don’t know. That’s that’s one thing you have to get in, you know, teach, if you will, men and women, the awareness of what you don’t know and how much that could change. And the second part of your question, I know we’re ending here, is just your attitude, your mindset. If if you’re the negative I know, you know, you hear that in every

Neil Rerup (38:43.586)
Mm.

Silke Schwarzkopf (39:09.907)
part of or part of life is you have to have a positive attitude and and you do. You know, whatever if you whether you believe you can or you can’t, an old saying, you know, you’re right. And if you’re negative, then you just, yeah, you’re gonna have a negative life.

Neil Rerup (39:28.45)
Hmm. Interesting. I like that. Well, Silka, I really appreciate you taking the time. for everybody, I will put in the description of this video links to Silka’s YouTube channel, her website, and anything else that Silka would like you to be aware of. She’s gonna send that to me anyway. There you go.

Silke Schwarzkopf (39:50.174)
This the YouTube channel, watch and subscri yeah. I I want more subscribers from Canada. So

Neil Rerup (39:56.192)
Well, there you go. There you go. We’re we’re we get long, dark, cold winters. We have to do something. And we’ll go from there. Silka, thank you very much.

Silke Schwarzkopf (40:03.117)
Yeah, but ain’t yeah.

Sounds good. Thank you, Neil. I appreciate you having me on.

Neil Rerup (40:12.435)
Thank you.