Dating Over 50? How Dating App Algorithms REALLY Work – 5 Hidden Truths You Need To Know!

The five top things that you need to know about how dating sites actually actually work
 Thank you so much for joining us again on Second Act TV
 Once again, I’m so happy to welcome back Lori Gerber, dating coach, love coach, relationship expert
 Lori, thank you for joining us again
 Always a pleasure
 Well, Lori is really in somewhat of an expert on dating sites as well
 You I know you worked for sub for the sites as a love what what what did you do? Yeah, I would I would do their content sort of the their dating coaching, right? So, I would for match for a long time
 I did their webinars and it was fascinating honestly just the questions that people sent in and just how confused and overwhelmed people are by dating sites
 even you know the simplest and most straightforward ones like match you know there were still so many questions about the the very basics so right right and we want to address one of those big confusions today and I thought you’d be perfect for that and that is the algorithm the dating site algorithm there is so much misinformation out there that people believe so today the five top things that you need to know about how dating sites actually actually work so The basic question, Lori, is that, you know, are there algorithms? And what is their purpose? [laughter] Yes, of course, there are algorithms
 You’re not crazy
 You’re not imagining it
 And no two are the same
 So, unfortunately, when you learn the algorithm for one site, it doesn’t necessarily mean it’s the same for the next site, if you’re a content creator, you know, right? Just as soon as you think you’ve got the algorithm down, it can change
 So the real relationship you should have to a dating site and algorithm is a learning relationship where you are consistently experimenting, learning and being willing to sort of be flexible and understand
 But they are businesses
 They have algorithms
 The algorithms are not designed to punish you, make you feel bad, defeat you, but they are designed to engage you and sometimes to sell you things which is is not a surprise
 It is a business
 It is a tool
 We are paying for a service
 there is a cost in terms of what it also gets from us
 Well, and and I think one of the biggest myths that that’s associated with the algorithm is that it somehow ranks you on attractiveness
 I think that started with Tinder somehow as if there is such a thing that is a universal, you know, but no, the sites are not ranking
 They are ranking you and and sort of assessing you based on certain behaviors, but it’s not your looks
 You’re rewarded
 And by rewarded I mean shown more potential being shown to more potentials
 You are rewarded for behaviors for engagement
 So let’s look at that a little bit closer
 The the big four factors of what you really need to know about the algorithms or how you can work with the algorithm
 And the first one the activity level we just mentioned it
 You got to be active
 Yeah
 Literally how much you’re participating
 It’s really just like real life
 how the more you participate, the more you’re rewarded
 So, for example, Tinder and Bumble literally reward daily login with giving you higher visibility, which makes total sense
 I coach all my clients, don’t get on a site until you’re ready to get on that site daily, until you’re ready to show it some love, if you want to expect it to show you some love back
 So, you’re rewarded for daily logging in for regular behavior
 And you’re also rewarded by, for example, Hinge that’s really trying to refine your taste profile and match you with the appropriate person
 You’re rewarded for swiping authentically, you know, like choosing authentically and having authentic conversations
 Uh that’s rewarded, you know, chatting in the app just like in any social media
 The more you use the features and the more you engage, the more you are rewarded
 And if you think about it, that’s in order to, you know, if you’re there trying to find someone, well, you have to put some effort into it and it’s through activity that that you find someone
 So, this is actually a really good thing
 It is incentivizing the right thing
 However, unfortunately, some people become disincentivized because when they don’t find the engagement they’re looking for, then they stop participating and they want to blame the site and but unfortunately they’re doing the exact behavior that that belongs the problem, right? or or they’re swiping sort of half-hazardly or in an inauthentic way and that also then tells the site this is not a serious user
 So the site is is looking again like any social media, they’re looking for authentic use and that is reward
 Well, and and really you just covered a point too, one of the big factors is swiping and matching behavior
 And I what you were referencing just in case or viewers don’t understand, I didn’t, is that people, one of the myths if you swipe right all the time, swiping right, somehow you can trick the algorithm [laughter] into showing you more
 I’m telling you, I see all these posts on the internet on the internet, you know, on social media where people are just advising you how to hack a system and who knows if it’s true
 Maybe it was even true for a week, but it’s not true now
 That if you indiscriminately swipe, either all yes or all no, the algorithm knows that that’s not an authentic behavior
 Well, and the third here, profile completeness
 Now, this is something you can totally control to to help the algorithm help you
 Exactly
 And I still marvel at how people don’t complete their full profile
 And I want to just be clear, I don’t mean write long answers, right? When we say complete, we mean two to three sentences for the prompts that are given, the minimum number of prompts given
 If you don’t do that, you are just showing not only the algorithm, but also the people that you have not put in the time and energy that it deserves for you to present yourself to the world
 And it’s such an opportunity
 And if you don’t know how to write a good dating profile, watch our other videos
 [laughter] Just please get some help
 You don’t have to do it alone
 Please don’t let AI write your I’m sorry, don’t let your AI write your profile
 You have to write it yourself
 But it’s such an opportunity to highlight what’s great about you to even hint at what might not be great about you to really attract the right kind of person
 Writing your profile is so important
 And Tinder has something called interest tags
 Uh, Match has bios, essays, preferences, you know, all kinds of interesting filters
 Hinge has some really interesting, fun prompts, and it it just behooves you to if you’re I only want you on one or two dating sites anyway
 So, it’s not like you don’t have time to really sit down and get to know your dating site, just like you would get to know a a new date
 It’s it’s practice for dating and get to know it and and use it for what it is offering you
 Yeah
 I think in one of the articles I read they they were saying that one of the myths is that the dating sites don’t work for people over 50
 Well, no, they do
 It’s actually the biggest growing category
 But they said what what people over 50 are or what you know people in our age group tend to do is is treat the dating sites like a classified ad versus a conversation starter
 I thought that was a great point
 I’d never heard it that way
 And and it makes sense because we grew up with classified ads and that’s what there was
 But there’s so much more opportunity here to really dog whistle what you do want and and what you don’t want and to pitch yourself to to make it an ad
 But it’s an ad with lots of things
 And and I will say this, men are not reading as much as women are
 So if you’re a man and you’re looking for a great woman, this is your chance to show your sense of humor, your sensitivity, your emotional intelligence
 I mean, don’t waste it because the women are actually reading the profiles
 Yeah
 If you’re going to if you’re paying especially to be on well do you know just complete it
 It’s not that much effort especially if you’re serious about dating
 And then the fourth point your photo and it’s not about how great you look but how good the photo actually is
 The algorithm is still a robot
 It really doesn’t judge beauty but it can judge the brightness, the clarity of the picture, whether it’s you or a bunch of other people facial expression
 So, it does for people, please look your best, right? In fact, you know, best case scenario, you’re getting a professional to take casual photos or you’re getting your friends to take professional type photos, right? Somewhere in between because you don’t want to look like a headsh shot, but you really want high quality, well-lit pictures of you looking your best, smiling, please, not in the bathroom, right? Like those those are the things you need for people
 But for the algorithm, like I said, it really is favoring it is favoring certain pictures, but it’s not based on your hotness
 Yeah
 And I’ll link to Photo Feeler, which is a great app
 They have a service where you can actually upload pictures and they will rank them for you
 But anyway, photo
 This is what I do for a living
 But you there’s an app
 [laughter] There’s an app for that
 Yeah
 And it’ll teach you what’s it’ll teach you the right angles, the right time of day, golden hour, what’s your better side, you know, and so it will start to teach you how to get better photos because you also want to keep refreshing your photos on these, right? And and I uh I’ll link to our conversation about that as well because you had some great tips in there
 And then messaging matches and the myths surrounded by that regarding messages
 Is it important to answer your messages? I don’t really know how you can do meaningful dating without answering your messages
 It’s such a crucial step in seeing if there’s rapport and asking your first few questions about whether or not it could be a head match, you know, an int practical match
 So, for sure you I would recommend again for algorithm happiness and personal karma that you answer everybody who reaches out to you and it and you should have a canned response
 I give all my clients a choice of canned responses
 You seem lovely
 I don’t think it’s a romantic match
 I wish you the best of luck
 Right? you seem lovely
 I’m sorry you’re too far away from, you know, I’m really looking for someone more local
 Best of luck
 You just cut and paste that, right? That’s just good karma to not leave anybody hanging or hoping
 And obviously, if you like the person, then you need the right response that’s going to keep the conversation going
 So, you’re going to answer or respond to whatever they say and then you’re going to look at their profile and say something that you notice about their profile, ask them a question
 So, now you have a banter going
 A lot of the sites um particularly uh Tinder and Bumble come to mind are rewarding those conversations and rewarding longer conversations that go on longer or are more substantive
 And then Hinge even tracks asks you you know did you go on a physical date and wants to know wants to be able to say of course statistically that you did but also wants to reward you if you are actually using the site to get dates and and proceeding through
 You know, different sites look at messaging in different ways, but for sure it’s advantageous regardless of the algorithm to be messaging
 One other point that was under here is that there’s a either a myth or or people believe that there is a new user boost
 But that’s true, isn’t it? It it is true
 And just like most businesses, right, at the very beginning, they want to really attract you
 And that’s why you always get the, you know, 10% coupon whenever you sign up for a new email list
 in and they want you to stay and they want you to see what they have to offer and they want to get you hooked and in conversations with people so you’ll hang around and keep using their product
 So yes, and that is why I also say be ready
 Okay, be ready when you start on a dating app or website
 That first week’s going to be your most exciting week with the most um if you have a decent profile and good pictures
 That’s a big if, that’s a big caveat
 If you have a decent decent profile and pictures, that’s going to be your most active time
 So, be ready because you can’t trick it and start over again
 They know that trick
 [laughter] Like, you can quit
 You can pause authentically if you’re going away or if you’re burnt out or whatever
 I recommend that you do, but you can’t trick the algorithm into giving you those boosts without paying for it after that first week
 So, be ready for that first week and use it for all it’s worth
 Yeah, that’s the best you’re going to do, especially if it’s a if it’s a trial
 Absolutely
 They want you
 Yes, it’s a business, but what they what they’re encouraging, that’s what is going to help you find someone
 That’s the behavior that that you need to like you said, Lord, you need to do anyway
 And talk about paying premium features
 Are the premium features worth paying for? Okay, this is what I’ll say
 If you want something for nothing, you’re not going to get something great
 There’s not a lot
 I I rarely find any example of something for nothing
 [laughter] I’m still looking, but I have not found it
 You’re doing a free trial to It’s like a first date, right? You’re seeing if you like it
 You’re getting the vibe
 You’re seeing how the customer services
 You’re seeing how the features work
 It’s not meant to be
 And now this is going to serve the ultimate purpose
 So, I believe everyone should pay for the one or two dating sites they like best
 That being said, there are gimmicks
 And these gimmicks are things like a Tinder boost that pushes you up to the top for 30 minutes, a hinge rose that highlights you to a particular person, doubling your odds of a response
 There’s a Bumble super swipe, there’s there’s match premium where you can see who’s viewed you
 People swear by these as what I would call kind of like, you know, at the in the boxing match, the guy goes back to the corner and the coach squirts the water in his mouth and he’s like, “Okay, I can fight another round
” Right? Like that’s what that is, right? It’s not going to be the reason you find your person or not, but it could be that thing you need to get you to another round with good spirits
 Now, it’s been a long time since I was on match, but I the the the ability to see who’s viewed you to me that was what a huge feature is that you know a lot of times like because I didn’t see that person and then that sounds interesting and then I would I would contact them and it’s a nice confidence booster which is what that is
 And then finally uh how you know how do you best work with the algorithm five here what what do we need to take away from this conversation? Okay
 Yeah, let’s sum let’s kind of sum up and give you some real actionable things
 So, I tell my daters when they first start on the sites, when you are ready, you need to be going on daily, right? Minimum of five minutes a day to make the algorithm happy
 Minimum of a half an hour to make your coach happy because [laughter] you got to you got to put in the work
 Okay? If you do not have four to six highquality, well-lit pictures where you’re smiling, doing activities that you like with nobody else in the picture, you’re just throwing money away on the dating sites
 You absolutely need to do that
 You need to complete your profile fully
 That means all the prompts on Hinge, the lifestyle filters on Match, the tags on Tinder, your hobbies on Bumble, you know, whatever
 It’s serving you to serve it
 If you pick that dating site, do do your work
 Um, don’t swipe indiscriminately, not willy-nilly, not to trick the algorithm
 You’re going to end and start conversations
 End conversations that are not for you, for anyone who’s interesting to you
 A week or two of back and forth through the app
 Very advantageous
 Use their video chat app as well if they have one
 Great feature
 Really great feature
 I’m beginning to really favor apps that have that because I do believe in a video chat to check chemistry
 So use all their features as much as you can to get their benefits and re and use your premium, you know, pay and use your premium tricks when you need them, right? Don’t use them willy-nilly
 Use them when you need them
 And refresh your profile and your pictures, especially your pictures
 They want new pictures
 New pictures means you’re keeping your pictures up to date
 You’re giving people something new to look at
 The site wants that because the site wants to show new pictures to people
 Everyone likes that
 Everybody’s happy to look at new faces
 I know that the dating apps take a lot of, you know, everybody you hate hate dating apps
 I’m not going on another dating app
 I’m not going another date
 They got a lot of bad press
 After I read this, it it’s, you know, this is really actually really good [laughter] that if they reward to blame, you know, we do
 It’s easier to blame the dating site than to say that our mindset stinks or we’re hopeless or we don’t think we’re good enough or we’re afraid there’s no one out there
 The real reasons we’re stuck in love are much harder to talk about and harder to deal with, but not insurmountable
 Well, Lori, basically, you know what what we take away from this
 It’s activity
 It’s activity on the sides that will reward you
 That’s how you best work with it
 Is there anything that you want to add? Let you sum it up here
 Yeah, I’m just going to say what is rewarded in life is rewarded on the dating apps
 Authenticity, good effort, engagement
 Even though they are businesses, they are businesses that are meant to fulfill your goal
 They don’t stay in business if they don’t occasionally work, right? Even the lottery pays off every week, right, to someone
 So, even though it’s a business, it’s it is designed to work eventually if you work it
 And so, you do have to work it
 Yeah
 And incidentally, we’re not being paid for this
 [laughter] The dating sites are not paying us for this at all
 [clears throat] They should
 Yeah, they should
 I [laughter] know
 But I I want people to know that this this is a very genuine authentic conversation that I felt is important
 I learned stuff on here again as I do in every segment
 So if you’ve learned something, if you need some help doing these things, call Lori
 She’s a great great coach
 All of her information is below
 You have great information just on your site
 So your your website stuff is there, too
 Thank you again for your time and I look forward to our next conversation on Second Act TV
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