In this episode, Lee Gale explores the underlying motivations behind why people criticize others, using a personal story to illustrate how even subtle comments can carry emotional weight. She examines the difference between constructive feedback and criticism that stems from personal insecurity or discomfort, encouraging listeners to reflect on their own intentions before speaking. The conversation highlights how negative remarks not only affect the person receiving them but also reveal something deeper about the person delivering them, ultimately emphasizing the importance of empathy, self-awareness, and choosing more supportive forms of communication.
Lee Gale Gruen is a regular Podcast contributor for The Transitions Network. She is an actress, author, speaker, and blogger. She focuses on how retirees can customize their retirement to fit their own personalities, interests, and comfort level.
WEBSITE: https://leegalegruen.com
EMAIL: gowergulch@yahoo.com
BLOG: “Reinventing Yourself in Your Retirement Years”:https://leegalegruen.wordpress.com
BOOKS ON AMAZON.COM:
“Reinventing Yourself in Your Retirement Years: Find Joy, Excitement, and Purpose After You Retire” https://tinyurl.com/33x9vmcx
“Adventures with Dad: A Father and Daughter’s Journey Through a Senior Acting Class” https://tinyurl.com/5d3yycjw
Click to see Full Transcript
Lee Gale Gruen (00:01.23)
Hello, welcome, or welcome back to my podcast, Retirement Made to Order. A few years ago I went on a wonderful, often very rustic trip to Papua New Guinea. After returning, I got together with the man I had been going out with for a while. I was very excited to show him my photos. As he was looking through them, he stopped at one, held it up to me,
And commented, Well, you certainly don’t look your best. Technically, he was right, I guess. I had no makeup on, and my hair was in total disarray, as I was caught on film climbing out of a dugout canoe on a brackish river. My point here is not the correctness of his statement, which, by the way, was the truth as he saw it.
But the fact that he chose that statement to make, among so many others, he could have said. Here are a few possible proclamations he might have opted for. Gee, what a neat dugout! Boy, that looks like it was fun. You look tired. Instead, he chose to trash my looks, albeit subtly a vulnerable position for anyone.
I know I looked a mess. He didn’t have to tell me. It’s really hard to look great floating down a river in Papua New Guinea in a dugout canoe in the hot, humid jungle, after having slept in a bare bones structure with no air conditioning, no electricity, no indoor plumbing, think a hole in the ground outhouse, and in a sleeping bag on the floor under mosquito netting.
I wonder why he chose to make the comment he did. What satisfaction did it bring him? Was he sending me a message that he only liked me when I looked well groomed and attractive? Was he feeling insecure that he was dating a woman who could look scuzzy sometimes? Those types of statements, subtle put downs,
Lee Gale Gruen (02:24.842)
Only serve to put pressure on the receiver. I’m unattractive, unlovable, unwell, fill in the blank. Unless I’m always perfect, I always have to be on. What I’m advocating here is that you examine your own motives when you criticize someone. If the purpose is to help correct their behavior, appearance, etc., for their benefit.
Then your comment might be justified. However, if the purpose is to assuage your own discomfort, maybe that’s your problem and not a shortcoming of your chosen reprobate. Before you throw out potentially hurtful comments, think if a positive response might be more effective than a negative one.
Demeaning another person doesn’t only demean them, it demeans you as well. I’m Ligale Gruen. I hope you’ll visit me again here on my podcast, Retirement Made to Order, hosted by the Transitions Network. I will be posting new podcasts every week. Feel free to contact me if you want to comment on any of my podcasts.
You’ll find my email address in the information that follows or in the description at the beginning of any of my podcasts, along with links to my website, my blog, and my two books on Amazon.com. Goodbye for now.