In this episode, Lee Gale Gruen explores how negativity and chronic complaining can quietly undermine relationships and quality of life in retirement. She highlights how habits developed over time—especially seeking attention through negativity—can push people away, even when they desire deeper connection. Through real-life examples, Lee contrasts individuals who remain engaged, positive, and socially connected despite serious challenges with those who unintentionally isolate themselves through persistent negativity. The message is clear: while everyone faces difficulties, focusing on positive experiences—even small ones—can transform interactions and strengthen relationships. This video offers a powerful reminder that mindset plays a critical role in creating a fulfilling and socially connected life after retirement.
Lee Gale Gruen is a regular Podcast contributor for The Transitions Network. She is an actress, author, speaker, and blogger. She focuses on how retirees can customize their retirement to fit their own personalities, interests, and comfort level.
WEBSITE: https://leegalegruen.com
EMAIL: gowergulch@yahoo.com
BLOG: “Reinventing Yourself in Your Retirement Years” https://leegalegruen.wordpress.com
BOOKS ON AMAZON.COM:
“Reinventing Yourself in Your Retirement Years: Find Joy, Excitement, and Purpose After You Retire” https://tinyurl.com/33x9vmcx
“Adventures with Dad: A Father and Daughter’s Journey Through a Senior Acting Class” https://tinyurl.com/5d3yycjw
Click to see the Full Transcript
Neil Rerup (00:00.898)
Welcome or welcome back. Do you know anyone or are you someone who is often negative or complains a lot? Now that we’re retired, we don’t have that much time left. Do we really want to spend it mired in contentiousness or belly aching? If that’s been a lifestyle, it’s hard to change. But being conscious that you’re like that.
And morphing into a more positive person can pay dividends. I have a relative who has raised complaining to an art form. It comes so naturally to her that I’m sure she doesn’t even realize how much she does it, and has no idea why people avoid her. It’s sad. She’d love to have more friends, but she’s such a turn off.
Conversely, I had a group of friends, one of whom had cancer. She would join our various activities whenever possible, working it in between chemotherapy treatments. It seemed to give her a reason to keep going, and she contributed to our good time as much as she could. I had another friend who had a debilitating disease.
She would call me to tell me about a good movie she had just watched on her iPad. I loved talking to her. Those two women were my role models. Why does negativity come so easily to some
I suspect that people who fall into this category learned at a very early age that during their poor me routine yielded a big payoff. Attention. We all crave attention. We engage in all sorts of behaviors, tricks, and pursuits to get it. Being negative or complaining excessively does work for a while.
Neil Rerup (02:12.311)
Until the receiver has had enough and realized they’re ineffective in helping you overcome your problems, and that all their relationship with you does is bring them down. If you’ve had a history of a lot of short-term relationships which seem to fizzle out, maybe you’ve been driving your friends away with negativity or complaining.
We all complain or are negative sometimes. I’m talking about about those who are compulsive about it. You have a choice in the matter. Upsetting or bad things don’t just happen to you. They happen to all of us. On the other hand, we all have positive experiences too. Maybe they’re not earth shaking.
But we can let even small, upbeat episodes drive our lives if we choose. Did someone smile at you? Did someone give you a compliment? Talk to your friends about those incidents. Or maybe about a good movie you just watched on your iPad. Retired folks don’t want to spend their precious senior years listening to complaints.
They’ll drop you muy rapido if that’s what you bring to the table. I’m Liga Old Bruin. I hope you’ll visit me again here on my podcast, Retirement Made to Order, hosted by the Transitions Network. I will be posting a new podcast twice a week. Feel free to contact me if you want to comment on any of my podcasts.
You’ll find my email address in the information that follows or in the description at the beginning of this podcast, along with links to my website, my blog, and my two books on Amazon.com. Goodbye for now.