As we get older, our time and energy can feel more valuable than ever—but are we doing enough to protect them? In this episode of Retirement Made to Order, Lee Gale explores what happens when friends, family members, or others begin taking too much of our time, energy, or expertise and why allowing it to continue can eventually lead to resentment. She discusses the importance of recognizing when reasonable requests have crossed a line, setting healthy boundaries, and communicating those limits assertively without unnecessarily damaging important relationships. Lee also offers a practical approach for preparing for difficult conversations so you can protect your time while still treating others with honesty and respect.
Lee Gale Gruen is a regular Podcast contributor for The Transitions Network. She is an actress, author, speaker, and blogger. She focuses on how retirees can customize their retirement to fit their own personalities, interests, and comfort level.
WEBSITE: https://leegalegruen.com
EMAIL: gowergulch@yahoo.com
BLOG: “Reinventing Yourself in Your Retirement Years”:https://leegalegruen.wordpress.com
BOOKS ON AMAZON.COM:
“Reinventing Yourself in Your Retirement Years: Find Joy, Excitement, and Purpose After You Retire” https://tinyurl.com/33x9vmcx
“Adventures with Dad: A Father and Daughter’s Journey Through a Senior Acting Class” https://tinyurl.com/5d3yycjw
Click to see Full Transcript
Lee Gale Gruen (00:00.972)
Hello, welcome, or welcome back to my podcast, Retirement Made to Order. I’m your host, Ligael Gruen. There’s usually nothing wrong with taking advantage of an opportunity within reason. We all try to do that. However, that’s not the kind of taking advantage I’m talking about.
Some people take advantage of the precious time of others. These are a few synonyms for that behavior. Impose upon, exploit, use for one’s own sake, milk. Of course, friendships and relationships require some giving of time and energy to each other. However, the problem is when it’s taken to an extreme. As a retiree, I
I become more and more aware of how valuable and precious my time is, especially since I no longer have the seemingly unlimited energy and staying power I had when I was a young woman. I have to pick and choose what’s important to me. Do others take too much advantage of your precious time? Or do you take too much advantage?
Of the precious time of others. Taking advantage excessively can come in so many forms: unrealistic expectations of you, asking you to do too much and too often, dumping their problems on you, and so on. It doesn’t matter that they might do so very sweetly, maybe with apologies.
They are still draining your valuable time and energy. There reaches a point where we have to be assertive, no matter how difficult it is. I know someone who has a literary skill which earns her money. A friend of hers often asks for help with writing projects, but doesn’t pay what the work is worth. Under the guise of, well, we’re friends.
Lee Gale Gruen (02:27.64)
Well that might fly once or even twice. But when it is time when is it time to put a stop to being taken advantage of, even by a close associate? It’s our responsibility to set boundaries. We must be the one to call a halt. If you don’t do it, you send the message that the status quo is okay with you. How can we be assertive without damaging or ending?
The friendship or relationship. First, be honest with yourself. Are you tired of being taken advantage of and are starting to harbor resentment? Then be honest with the other person. To use the aforementioned example, tell her that your time is valuable and limited, that you choose to use it on other things.
Such as your own jobs that pay you a fair wage, and that you can’t accept her projects anymore. Adapt that template to your own situation. Write out your speech so you’ll remember what you want to say. Practice it so you’ll hit your key points. It’s difficult telling others what they don’t want to hear.
It’s even more difficult living with the consequences of not doing so. I’m Lee Gail Bruin. I hope you’ll visit me again here on my podcast, Retirement Made to Order, hosted by the Transitions Network. I will be posting new podcasts each week.
Feel free to contact me if you want to comment on any of my podcasts. You’ll find my email address in the information that follows or in the description section at the beginning of each of my podcasts, along with links to my website, my blog, and my two books available on Amazon.com. Goodbye for now.